Unconditional Love

Unconditional love can't be bought or faked,it's something that you have to give or you don't.I knew one person truly capable of this in my life and now she is gone.She always smiled.I always found that amazing,how can someone be always happy.I guess maybe it comes from inner peace.It seems like she made an event out of life.She didn't just get through it like alot of us do.Everyday she got up just thinking about what to do or say to make all of us happy.I know that we too many times just took that for granted.How I wished I hadn't.I really don't believe she ever had an evil or unpure thought.Amazing!She was just happy to be and to take care of her family.All the things that we women(or men) do day to day, like house cleaning,cooking,etc. she actually enjoyed it.I wish I was more like her.I don't know if she enjoyed the chores or just enjoyed them because she was doing it for us.I remember her dancing as she cooked,that is one of my favorite memories.She would let me watch on tv whatever I wanted,cook me 12 pieces of cinnamon toast,scratch my back for hours when I was little,and spend the whole day just talking to me.I believe that everybody has that one special person that grabs their heart and never let's go.I know I'll never let her go.

Nannie and Pa

I joined a couple of charities today,both cancer organizations.It is something that is very close to my heart.It is a disease that ruins lives,families,and dreams.I lost my grandmother first,she died of brain cancer.I loved her more than my own life.There is not a day that goes by that I still don't need her.I will miss her for life!Then,cancer took my grandfather.I loved him dearly.I owe everything I have today to those two people.But,I know their soaring through the heavens as I type this.

Gypsy Kids

I love kids and dogs,not much I wouldn't do for either.Through the last couple of years,we had our number of gypsy kids.These are kids that really don't have parents that give a damn about them or are too caught up in their own lives or addictions to take care of them.We have a 18 year old boy here now,he's only been here off and on for the last couple of weeks.But,he really doesn't have a stable place to stay,so he's staying here.Which I don't mind at all,he's a good kid.I wonder how a parent,a mother especially can just abandom their children.I know his mother is having issues right now but her son should be her main concern.But,I guess I shouldn't judge.Kids need some sort of real stability and to know someone always has their back.There is nothing in the world that I wouldn't do for my son and most parents feel the same way I do.To the parents that don't,we'll take care of your kids and we will also reap the benefits of having their love and respect,something you threw away.

Life in the Country

Down here in Texas where I live at,things are slower paced.We don't have the hustle and bustle of the big city life.I could never make it through heavy traffic,without going to jail probably.I don't have the patience.So,I keep my butte down here.We can hear the crickets chirping all night ,hear the coyotes howling,and the birds singing in the morning.It's a nice life,but it also has it's little inconveniences.A possum,armadillo,or some other type of creature can try to live under your house.We see snakes almost weekly,I have one that lives in my monkey grass that's around my biggest tree in the front yard.I should make him move,but I just haven't yet.Then we have to tie down the trashcans because wild dogs etc. turn them over at night just trying to get something to eat.But,those are just part of country life.I like to think that I could love the city life again,but as I get older I don't think I could keep up anymore.So,it's time for me to feed the dogs,water the birdbath,put feed out for the birds,and maybe throw out some peanuts for the squirrels.It's gonna be a beautiful country day!

Running Away

All I think about lately is running away.I know it's not an option but it makes me really happy to day dream about it.It's not that my life is bad,Actually my life is pretty good.No real complaints.So,I asked myself why do I keep a packed bag in the trunk of my car that no one knows about.I don't know,so I ve been thinking about it alot lately.I remember my childhood dreams,wanting to join the peace corp,be a rockstar,travel the world,marry a knight,know five languages and so on.Not one of these dreams came true,in which I only have myself to blame.So,I guess I need to set a new set of dreams and make at least one of them come true.But,as I get older,I can't really think of no new dreams to hope for.My dreams now concern my son,hoping he'll go to college,praying he'll stay out of trouble,wanting him to stay healthy and for him to have a wonderful life.And yes I know that's what parents are supposed to want.But,we also shouldn't give up on our own needs,wants and desires.I think it takes happy parents to raise a happy child.I have to find my own way again soon, as he is already fifteen years old and soon to become a man.That whole last sentence depresses me and makes me happy all at the same time.I'm scared to think of living my life without my son under my roof,but I know it's coming.That means,I have to find my own life and happiness all over again.He's been my whole life for so long.Now,getting back to what I was originaly talking about,running away.Life has become quite stressful at times lately and maybe I'm not dealing with it well.But,I will start making my own real life dreams come true and if not I got a bag packed in the car ready to go.Once I pack up my son,my two dogs,my pillow and fan,we'll leave.Maybe, that's really not running away at all.Sounds more like moving.

Hardass

I'm what you might call a hardass.I like things my way,I like things done right.If your going to do something,don't do it half ass.If you do them half way, then why bother doing them it all.I also have tons of pet peeves,much to my husband's dismay.I'm constantly having to remind him to turn the light off,close the cabinet door,shut the silverware drawers,put that up,put this up and so on and so on. I just don't get it!How can you open something and not feel compelled to shut it back closed?I spend most of my days going behind someone doing these things because of some unknown reason they simply can't do it.Maybe,I'm making too much out of the whole deal.But,try going to the bathroom in the middle of the night and falling in,get up to get go get a drink and hit your head or your eyeball on a cabinet door,walk by and fall in the kitchen over a drawer that has been left open,fall over somebody's shoes in the middle of the floor and so on.I think you get what I'm saying.Next time someone leaves their shoes in the middle of the floor,I'm super glueing them to the carpet!

Sober

I am just an imbecile

I will only complicate you

Trust in me and fall as well

I will find a center in you

I will chew you up and leave

I will work to elevate you

just enough to bring you down.